Why I Smile
by kyia713
Summary: What if the reason you smile isn’t because you’re always happy? What if it’s because you’re afraid of what would happen if you didn’t?" Behind the smile is a girl and that girl is Rikku. Why does she smile?


**Hi! Okay, this is a short one-shot based on a scene in Crisis Core. After seeing the ending I sort of got wondering what would happen if that scene was in FFX and this was the result. Hope you like it.**

**Note: I don't speak Al Bhed, but Rikku does. Therefore just assume this entire fic is in Al Bhed since that is her native tongue. Makes it easier for me to write and for you to read!**

**Disclaimer: FFX and FFVII: Crisis Core are not mine, but Square Enix's. I just borrowed them for this fanfic.**

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People always say I smile too much. That I'm always bubbly and happy. That I never seem to take anything seriously. I'm annoying, hyper, and too talkative. I've heard it all before.

Pops says, "Rikku, this is the real world! Life isn't always bubble gum, chocobos, and mountains of gil! Sometimes people get hurt!"

You're right, Pops. Sometimes people do get hurt. I know, only too well. What if the reason you smile isn't because you're always happy? What if it's because you're afraid of what would happen if you didn't?

It all started with Brother. Funny how everything starts with Brother. Without him insisting that we do some excavating near Baaj temple we never would have found Tidus. Without Brother and Buddy founding the Gullwings, Yuna never would have started her journey to find Tidus again. Without Brother I never would have met _him._

I guess Mom and Pops had something to do with this too. Or at least Mom's death. After she died it was like I lost Pops too, you know? Pops needed me to step up and take Mom's place. And I…couldn't do it. I would never be able to make Pops smile like my Mom did, or keep the place spotless like she could. I wasn't her. But Pops didn't seem to see that I was my own person. He kept trying to make me into my mom. And I started to resent him for it. Because no matter what I did it was never good enough.

I learned Spiran just so I could be like Pops. I could fix a machina faster than the best Al Bhed mechanics and take it apart even faster. I could beat Brother every time we raced and I could steal from anyone without getting caught. It should have been enough. If I had been Brother, Pops would have been proud of me. But I was me, and I was supposed to be taking my mom's place. And she didn't bother to learn Spiran, fix machina, run fast, and steal. She and I were about as alike as Yevon and the Al Bhed.

At first I tried, I really did. But, I grew sick of failing. I was sick of only seeing disappointment in Pops eyes. So I stopped trying. I started hanging out with Brother and his friends, hoping that maybe when Pops saw how much better I was at stuff than them he would notice me. I would eagerly run out to Brother and his friends and beg them to let me come along.

It was always the four of them. Brother was the leader. I suppose because he was Pop's son, he kinda got the role out of respect for Pops. Brother tried so hard to be like Pops. He would always say, "Rikku! You can't hang out with us! You should be at home oiling the machina and making dinner!" Never mind that I could whip Brother's butt in a fight. Never mind that I knew the desert better than he did. I just couldn't because I was a girl.

Buddy would be standing right next to Brother. They were best friends, the two of them. Buddy would just nod and say, "We wouldn't want you to get hurt." He wouldn't some right out and say the sexist things Brother would say but it came pretty close. He tried to be more sympathetic but I knew he thought the same as Brother.

Gippal would already be ahead of them, aching to start. He and Brother were rivals, always striving to outdo each other. He would turn to me and give me that dismissive look that made me want to slap him. "Run back home, Cid's girl. You can't keep up with us. I've got some laundry that needs doing." Then he would wink and expect me to fall weak at the knees. There were plenty of girls who would've jump at the chance to do Gippal's laundry. I would've rather ran through the Thunder Plains with a lightning rod on my head.

But he was always different. He would give me that genuine smile and turn to them and say, "Come on, guys. She can keep up. Why don't we take her?" His suggestion would be met with a large amount of resistance, particularly from Brother and Gippal. But then her would stand by me and say, "If she can't go, then I'll stay with her" which would always lead to relenting on their part.

Zane was everybody's friend. Everyone liked him, and he was such an essential part of their group that they would rather risk being slowed by a _girl_ than going without him. He was…my best friend. Unlike everyone else who always expected me to be my mom he saw me for me. And he liked who I was.

It seems strange, now to think that he would've taken an interest in me. After all I was three years younger than him, his friend's younger sister. But Zane didn't seem to mind. In fact, sometimes I think he enjoyed spending time with me.

Zane was the one who got me into diving. When you live somewhere as hot as Bikanel, you have to like swimming. At least, if you don't want to boil alive on the desert. But, Zane took that one step further and engaged me in breath-holding contests. He wanted to play for the Al Bhed Psyches when he was older, so he practiced the four of us. I won't lie, they were pretty good and I was horrible but I made up for that with my breath control. I could stay under for longer than any of them, which earned even Brother's respect.

One day, as we were all swimming in the Oasis, an underwater fiend attacked us. The four of them started to run away but I stayed. I thought that if maybe I could defeat this fiend Pops would see my worth. But the fiend turned out to be too big for me. I was floating there, feeling so lost and alone. I was wondering if Pops and Brother would miss me like they missed Mom, when Zane showed up. He grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me towards the surface.

Once we broke above the water we were running so fast and far I don't even remember how long we were running. Suddenly we stopped and collapsed on the sand.

Zane was panting, "Why…did you try and do that? How could you be…so unbelievably stupid?"

For a moment I did a double take. This criticism was typical from Brother and Gippal but not from Zane. His criticism cut deeper than anything Pops and Brother said. Against my will, I could feel myself crying. I didn't wanna cry in front of Zane but then suddenly, everything that I had been suppressing for so long came bubbling out. I hadn't ever cried this hard before. Not when Mom died or when Pops yelled at me or even when Brother hit me with that thunder spell.

"I thought," I hated myself for crying this hard, "That if I beat the fiend my dad would be proud of me. That he'd finally stop trying to compare me to my mom. I want him to look at me and say, 'Good job, Rikku,' but he…he's never gonna see me as me. I'm always gonna be a failure to him. Because I'm not my mom. I wish I could be like her…but I'm not. I'm never gonna get Pops to smile like she could. I'm never gonna be able to bring people together like she could. I'm never gonna be like her!" I continued to sob like a baby.

Zane looked away. "Rikku," he said, "Stop trying to be your Mom. You're not her and you never will be."

His words stunned me so much I stopped crying.

"You're just you," Zane continued, "And that's enough."

I don't know why but suddenly I was crying again. I think it was like the happy-tears you sometimes get. When Yunie defeated Sin, when people stopped hating the Al Bhed, when Wakka apologized to me.

"Rikku?" Zane was looking at me now, "You know what I liked most about you when I met you?"

I shook my head, wiping away my tears.

"Your smile. After everything the Al Bhed have gone through, after everything _you've _gone through, you can still smile. And that smile says it all. That we have hope to face the future. Hope that one days things'll be better," he smiled at me, "So don't stop smiling Rikku. Never lose your smile."

From that day on I tried to smile as much as I could. Now it was a conscious effort. I realized that by smiling I could make people feel better. So, maybe in one respect I was like my mom. Zane nicknamed me Smiles, and called me that from that day on. Whenever I seemed too down he would say to me, "Come on, Smiles. Smile for me." And I would smile, and remember the duty I had: to smile.

There was one day, though, that it was really hard to smile. When I was thirteen. Pops eventually realized I was no good at home and assigned Zane and me to do some scouting on the mainland. I was excited. I had never left Bikanel before and I wanted to see what was out there. Pops warned us to stay clear of the Yevonites, "They hate Al Bhed. Who knows what they'll do to you," and then steered us on our way. But not before stopping Zane and whispering something in his ear.

The two of us went with a larger group of Al Bhed headed for the Blitzball tournament in Luca. They dropped us off near Bevelle and hurried on to Luca. I wondered if Zane was sad that he was going with them, but he said the mission was more important.

I couldn't see how important this mission was, as there seemed to be nothing to do until Zane suggested we sneak inside the temple. We carefully covered our faces and walked in, making sure that we looked like any other pious children.

And then I saw it. A door through which the monks came and went with a sign YEVON CLERGY ONLY written on the door. Well, I'm Rikku and I believe that rules are meant to be broken so I gave Zane a wink and then snuck towards the door. Zane raised his eyebrows and shook his head fiercely but I ignored him. I crept closer and closer and the slipped through the door.

I was disappointed. A long, dark hallway awaited me. I slowly moved down the hallway inching closer to the door at the end. When I reached it I opened it and slid inside.

The sight that awaited me was a shock. A group of Yevon clergymen were inspecting a group of warrior monks. And that wasn't all. The monks had machina weapons. Forbidden machina weapons. I couldn't believe that the Yevonites would break their own teachings. It seemed impossible.

A large, fat priest addressed the monks, "Warrior monks. You are now armed with the power that has kept Bevelle strong for a thousand years. You must carry on that legacy. With these new weapons, I urge you, fight and defend Yevon!"

His speech was met with general applause but one monk spoke up, "Sir? I thought these weapons were forbidden by Yevon?"

The priest narrowed his eyes, "To defend Yevon we need all the power we can muster. Yevon will allow these weapons, because they are used in defense of him. Do you understand?"

"But Sir," another monk spoke up, "The Al Bhed use these same weapons don't-"

"SILENCE!" the priest screamed and a bolt of lightening escaped his fingers and jolted down inches from where the monk was standing. He didn't even flinch. But I did.

More than that, I let out a horrible scream. Seconds later ninety pairs of eyes were on me. I turned to run but one of the warrior monks caught up with me and dragged me over to the priest by the hair.

"A spy?" asked one of the monks.

The priest grabbed my face and forced me to look at him, "An Al Bhed spy," he confirmed. For a terrifying moment I contemplated my fate. What would they do to me? The priest seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Lock her away!" he finally shouted, "We'll see if she sees the light of day again." I looked into his horrible, fat face and then there was only blackness.

"Rikku! Rikku!" Zane was shaking me.

I looked up at his face. Everything was blurry. Only his swirly green eyes were visible.

"We've gotta go!" he said and tried to get me to move.

I shook my head in protest.

"Rikku! COME ON! There gonna kill you if you stay!"

I shook my head again, barely registering what he was saying. My head was pounding.

"Rikku," he said, desperate, "They're scared you could reveal the lies surrounding Yevon. They're gonna make sure you can't talk!"

I tried to move but I couldn't. Everything was getting darker. I felt him hoist me across his shoulders. For the first time, I was glad I was so tiny. And then all I felt was pain.

I don't know how much time passed. All I was aware of was that we were moving. I could hear Zane's labored breathing and smell the sweat on him. I knew we were running away but I couldn't remember why. I was numb.

Sometimes Zane would talk to me. I can remember. There was a constant stream of chatter from him, almost like I do now. Some conversations I can remember.

Like, I remember waking up and hearing thunder. I was so out of it that I wasn't even afraid, but for that brief moment I was realizing things. "They drugged you pretty bad, Rikku," Zane was saying, "You're gonna be okay, it's just gonna take some time to wear off. Hope that…" his voiced faded and became blear again, "Come on, Rikku. Don't you hear the thunder? You hate thunder, remember?"

"Come on, Smiles," I awoke to a rush of cold water and the sound of Zane's voice, "We gotta cross the moonflow…"

I began to become more aware of things, especially when I heard Zane that day. He swore loudly, "They're following us. Who knows how much longer we can stay ahead of them…"

And then he placed me in a crevice in the rocks. I looked up at his face, suddenly aware, "Zane?"

Zane smiled at me, "Just stay here, okay? Whatever happens, don't move, okay? Promise?"

I nodded.

It's gonna be okay," Zane said. And he was gone.

Then I heard the sound. At first I thought it was thunder but, as I soon realized, it wasn't. It was _marching. _The sound of people marching. Lots of people. I could hear them marching by, mere feet from where Zane had hidden me.

And then they stopped. I awaited in terrified silence, wishing that something would happen. And then…

The sound of bullets riddling through the air. The sound an Al Bhed knows well. I don't know how long it lasted. It seemed like forever just waiting there. Then it all stopped. They were marching again, back from where the had come, silent. The marching grew more and more faint until I could barely hear it. Only then did I crawl out.

And there he was, lying on the ground, blood streaming from his body. Bullet holes riddled his chest and his breathing was short and labored. He was dying.

"Zane, " I choked, and ran over to him, stumbling over the bodies of dead warrior monks that lay around him.

Zane grinned at me, "It's…not as bad as it looks."

"Zane," I whispered, crying, "You're gonna be okay! I'm gonna save you. You're going to be fine."

Zane shook his head, "You did save me, Rikku. You saved me the day I met you."

The rain began to fall, mixing with my tears, "Zane…"

"You smiled when most of us can't find a reason to live. You brought happiness into my life when I thought…the world was deprived of joy. Thank you, Rikku," he whispered.

I buried my face in his chest, sobbing. "I'm so sorry."

Zane's face became mock serious, "None of that, Smiles." He paused for a long moment and then said, "I'm so glad I met you." Then he took my face in his hands and gave me a gentle kiss. It was my first ever kiss, from my first ever love. I never want to forget that moment.

Zane grinned stupidly, "Never…lose your smile…Rikku…" his breathing slowed and became harsher, "Don't stop…" he let out a gasping breath, "smiling. Promise?"

I nodded and gave him a tearful smile and nodded, "Promise."

He nodded, "Good." He let out his last breath. Then he was gone.

I was crying again, struggling to stop myself from drowning in my despair. I felt like a big hole had appeared in my life and I could do nothing to fill it. I wept beside his body while the rain washed away his blood.

I must have fallen asleep because I awoke to find a group of Al Bhed standing over me. I was helped to my feet by one of them and led away. The rest picked up Zane's body and carried it behind us. We reached a ship and headed towards Home. I locked myself away in my room in a deep depression. It wasn't fair, that Zane had to die. It shouldn't have happened. I wanted to die.

As soon as I thought this Zane's voice came, unbidden out of my memories:

"Rikku? You know what I liked most about you when I met you? Your smile. After everything the Al Bhed have gone through, after everything _you've _gone through. You can still smile. And that smile says it all. That we have hope to face the future. Hope that one days things'll be better," he smiled at me, "So don't stop smiling Rikku. Never lose your smile."

"We'll be arriving at Home in ten minutes," a voice outside my door said. I dried away my tears, brushed my hair, and fixed my face with a radiant smile.

Zane made me promise to keep smiling, no matter how bad things get. And I always keep my promises. Sometimes I want to curl up and cry but I know that I have to do this, for him. Some people think I've forgotten the bad things that have happened. I never forget. It's because of all those bad things that have happened that I know how important it is to have hope to face the next day. That's why I smile.

**THE END**

**Sad, isn't it? I think so. I've got an idea for a sequel; so let me know if you're interested in that. Please R+R. Even if you hated it I want to know, please! I promise that I'll get back to you and I really want to see how this idea flies with you guys. I'm posting this in honor of my twenty-fifth review for my other story (In Our Opinion: Larxene). YAY!**

**Zane's name is taken from one of my favorite characters in "The Uglies" series. **

**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it! **


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